~
Alyssa stepped out on the deck of her ship. She glanced upward at the beautiful sky. It was a pleasant day and not a bird in sight. There were clouds, but no birds. Unbeknown to her, the birds were actually in the clouds. She just couldn’t see them.
“Full speed ahead,” she commanded. She walked towards the railing of the ship, peg-leg clunking with every other step. It was quite a serene noise with the waves as background; music to her silver hoop earring bearing ears. “It’s a good day for sailing,” she commented idly as she breathed in deeply the sweet and sour sea air with a pinch of salt. Or was it a dash? She never was good with cooking.
“Why is this ship not moving?” She asked the crew. She heard something that clunked with every step, which quite threw off the rhythm of her every other clunk. Wait. There was an odd third clunk. What could make three clunks, she wondered. Was it three hopping pirates? Could it be a three legged dog? She didn’t like dogs. Or was it a parrot? Parrots could mimic noises and it was possible a parrot was mimicking her. Except, now that she thought about it, the clunks sounded much older. That, and parrots had gone extinct hundreds of years ago. Why was she thinking parrots?
“Alyssa, get down here and stop playing pirate captain.” She heard a voice clouded with old shouting at her.
“God damn it mom, you can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my…damn it.” Alyssa turned to see a very old woman full of anger and rage the likes of which this world has never known glaring up at her.
“Don’t you talk to me that way, god damn it.” The old lady glared, shifting from peg leg to peg leg to cane, which, essentially, was also a peg leg. In fact, she referred to it as her third leg. She never understood why others laughed when she said this, but she didn’t care.
“Clementyne, isn’t it time for your prunes or juice or whatever old people do in the bathroom.” Alyssa glanced down at the crotchety old woman.
“It’s prunes and what I do in there is none of your business.” Clementyne rapped her third leg on the deck of the ship. “Anyways, it’s time to stop pretending you are a captain and step up to the plate and become one.”
“Mom, what does your fine china have to do with me becoming a captain?” Alyssa asked. “Besdies, you sold your china years ago.”
“Then why are you bringing it up?” Clementyne growled, eying a nearby bug on the ground hungrily. “Mmm, reminds me of my army days.” Clementyne got lost in thought for a second, found herself, got lost again, and then snapped out of it. She got lost a third time, bought a map, discovered the map was actually for Italy, pondered for a moment what Italy was, and then found the exit. “Anyways,” Celemntyne continued as if nothing had happened, “I found us a crew.” Clementyne punched an old, veined fist into the air.
“Birds!” Alyssa shouted, spotting one peeking out from behind a cloud. Alyssa reached into a pocket on her long, red coat and pulled out her pocket cannon. She tossed her pegged leg aside and attached the pocket cannon to her waiting stump for optimal shooting stability. “Die bird!” She shouted, aiming at the bird and firing away. She missed twice and on the third try, she hit her mark. The bird then plummeted into the ocean.
“God damn it,” Clementyne and Alyssa shouted in unison.
“Now what’re we supposed to eat for dinner?” Clementyne glared at Alyssa. “Not only did my bug get away, but I’m out of bathroom prunes.”
“What were you saying about a crew?” Alyssa asked, putting her pocket cannon away nonchalantly. She then reattached her peg leg and clunk-stepped over her mom.
“Quit that,” she yelled at her tall, well endowed daughter. “Anyways, yes, the crew. I have one.” Alyssa clapped animatedly. “We can’t eat them, but maybe they have some food.” And so, the two set off to find the crew Clementyne had found and ask them for food.
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